


Out of Media Res

by Jennifer-Oksana (JenniferOksana)



Series: Now It's Dark AU [7]
Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Character Turned Into Vampire, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, F/F, F/M, Femslash, M/M, Madness, Pre-Apocalypse, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 12:10:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5828044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenniferOksana/pseuds/Jennifer-Oksana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cordelia does a Cassandra impression mixed with a good dose of Basil Exposition. But at least Buffy is shot at.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out of Media Res

**Author's Note:**

> \+ + +  
> “This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.” –Walter, The Big Lebowski  
> \+ + +

One time Wesley told me during one of the Latin lessons we used to have when nothing was going on at the office that in media res means, “in the middle of things.” Lots of movies tend to use it as a dramatic device, especially in these kooky, MTV-director days. So hey, why not me? My life is already enough like a movie, so I’ve earned the right to rush into the middle of things.

That means while I’m waiting with Buffy and the crew for Giles to arrive from this random hot date (don’t get me started on the ew factor), we’re talking about how much I’ve missed living in a town not on the Hellmouth. You’d think there wouldn’t be much to miss, but apparently the world keeps buzzing everywhere. Right now, I’m trying to parse Willow’s love life.

“Okay, so Oz freaked out and couldn’t control the wolf within. Then he left, you met Tara, and you and Tara got together. But Oz comes back, wolf tamed, and you have to break the bad news?” I ask incredulously. “Jeez. Soap city.”

It’s actually not so surprising, especially considering the little fling Wesley and Angel almost have, but it’s better than hearing about Xander’s love life. Stupid ex-vengeance demon.

Willow blushes. “More or less. What about you?” she asks. “Any hot dates recently?”

“I met Chow-Yun Fat the other day. Otherwise–it’s been a bad year,” I say succinctly, conveniently skipping over the flaming wreckage that is my love life. The ‘fag hag’ aspect of my life is also being swept under the rug. When Buffy, Xander, and Willow are all dating, I’m not going to be the lifeless loser. “I have my Phantom Dennis to keep me company.”

“Phantom Dennis? You mean like if Dennis the Menace died and went friendly undead like Casper the Friendly Ghost?” Xander quips.

“But I always thought Casper was the ghost of Richie Rich,” Willow replies.

“Jeez, and how many episodes of The Simpsons have you watched?” Buffy asks.

“About three less than you,” Xander replies. “Anyway, we were asking Cordy about her phantom?”

Tara leans over toward me shyly. “Were they always like this?” she half-whispers. I wish she’d speak up.

“Yeah, except they used to be even bigger losers,” I reply.

“Cordelia, explain to me again why you had to drive to Sunnydale alone?” Buffy snaps.

“Orders from the boss,” I reply. Actually, I could have waited until later and gone with Wes, Angel, and Gunn, but watching Angel flirt with Wes is vaguely creepy. I wonder if I should tell Buffy about Angel’s latest dual thang for Darla and Wesley. Personally, I think she’d have a freak scene, so I’m not going to do it, but I’m unsure if that’s being unethical.

Of course, I don’t have time to think about it because all of a sudden Giles arrives with a vampire. Have I mentioned they’re also making out?

I don’t even have to think about what to say. I just scream.

“Giles! Are you crazy? She’s a vamp!”

The entire Scooby gang gapes at me in shock. They apparently didn’t know, and usually they know when someone’s got a pair of fangs. But hey, I am right. The vamp, who is the same redheaded demon woman I saw in my last headsplitting, vomit-inducing vision, leaps back with bared fangs.

“Seer,” she hisses at me. I don’t know how she knows that. But I know a lot about her, so it’s okay.

“Agent Scully, FBI,” I reply, sounding pretty cool. “How’s that life of murder, mayhem, and madness going?”

She tilts her head and pulls out a .22. Then she aims it at me.

“Business is just fine,” she replies. “Would you like a free demonstration?”

“Are you crazy?” Buffy asks. Of course she’s horning in on the badass action. But she has a crossbow, which makes me feel a little better. “Because only a crazy woman would try to kill a seer who was protected by the Slayer, her Watcher, and a coven of powerful witches.”

Agent Scully sneers and fires directly at Buffy’s crossbow without missing a beat. Buffy has to duck. Scully half-twirls and then she shoots Giles in the shoulder. He drops like a stone and before Buffy can regain her bearings, Scully has the gun aimed at his head.

“You’ll live,” she tells Giles icily. “But only if your precious Slayer puts down the weapon and puts her hands where I can see ’em.”

Buffy’s lip trembles for a millisecond, but she does exactly what Agent Scully wants. I have to admit, as bad as this situation is, it’s nice to watch Buffy get told.

“One day, I’m gonna kill you,” Buffy says, all pissed off.

Scully doesn’t even reply. She just presses Giles a little harder with the gun. Then she walks backward toward the door, eyes colder than the ocean in January.

“Don’t fuck with me, Slayer,” she growls. “Because you won’t like what happens.”

With that, Agent Scully opens the door and disappears into the night. Buffy screams like she’s gone primal and rushes over to Giles. Which means it’s as good a time as any to explain what I’m doing here in the first place.

See, ever since Darla and Drusilla ditched LA like a bad date, Angel has been driven to find the girls and stop their latest bloodbath. It didn’t help that Wesley discovered this uber-freaky prophecy that said that Darla and Drusilla had been united with this other person who had some serious major duty to the universe–like deciding to obliterate it or not.

Then, of course, Wolfram and Hart had to get their nasty asses involved. Lindsey did one of his “change of heart” deals that I swear happens every full moon, and told us that right before Drusilla sired Darla, she had found this Agent Scully and turned her, starting a catastrophic chain of events. Big shock, huh? So about halfway through the conversation, bored to tears, I had to go and have a little vision to break up the ennui.

When I say little, I mean “grand mack daddy hella number one straight out of hell vision.” It went on forever–actually, Angel said it was only for ten minutes–and I blacked out after it. Then the vomiting started. But it didn’t change the importance of what I saw.

Scully had been somebody before Drusilla got to her. Usually, when I have a vision, it’s just what’s going on outside. But instead, I was inside of her head. I had seen all of the events that had ripped her apart, and how cold it was to be inside her head. But I knew even more than that. Agent Dana Scully, current bloodthirsty psycho vampire, former FBI heroine martyr-type, has a massive decision to make.

I don’t want to think about. I can still hear the last thing she said in my vision before it dissolved into the abyss:

“God may still want me, but I don’t want him.”

I don’t know how she knew that– still don’t– but I knew she was right. When I came to, Wesley was babbling some major crazy shit about this prophecy talking about a famous holy warrior who has to be damned to finish her holy duties, but all I wanted was a Vicodin.

Gunn had that. Gunn is occasionally useful like that, though he told me all I really need to do if I want my own Vicodin is go to Tijuana and ask around.

But enough of being out of media res. Buffy is hollering and Tara is calling 911 and all. I can’t get into it. I have to do something here, something more important than worrying about Giles.

“Hey, Cordy, little help?” Xander asks. I ignore him. “Cordelia!”

“Xander, why does she act like she’s newly human?” Anya asks. I remind myself to do something unpleasant to her later.

“That woman–that vampire–is going to stop the world,” I say, not really to anyone. “Giles?”

Giles looks up from all of his moaning and groaning and bleeding. “What is it, Cordelia?”

“Well, when you’re not busy bleeding, we need to talk about your vampire girlfriend. She’s not just a blood-sucking demon who used to work for the government. You’re going to have to dust off that Watcher knowledge about–”

Shit. Wesley told me six times what the Latin name was. Can I remember it? Of course not.

“The Virago? The Virago Bellissima–no, not Bellissima, that was another prophecy–in English, Wesley said she was this holy warrior of God who really has to suffer–”

Giles groans. Willow glares at me. Teacher’s pet.

“Cordelia, maybe I can help you find it,” she says. “Giles isn’t really up to–”

“No, wait,” Giles interrupts. “Cordelia, did Wesley mention Transgelian?”

“Yeah,” I say. He grimaces. “What is it?”

Of course, that’s when the paramedics arrive. I think I remember seeing Tara call them. Everyone else is glaring at me, and Willow is searching through some dusty books.

“Transgelian was an apocalyptic type,” she informs us as the men with stretchers put Giles on one. “He had a vision of this Little Warrior Woman–the Viragello. And–”

I already know the story. “Has anyone here heard of the Key?” I ask. “Cuz basically, the story boils down to the Viragello gaining the Key and making a choice whether to obliterate our universe or not. The fun part is that according to the prophecy, nobody can stop that from happening.”

Buffy whirls around and stares at us. “We’re going to have to,” she says briefly.

“What kind of a name is Viragello anyway? It sounds like an Italian cheese vendor,” Xander pipes in. “We’ll whip that vamp like she was Spike.”

“What are you talking about?” Anya asks. “She shot the crossbow out of Buffy’s head and then shot Giles in the shoulder with a firearm without breaking a sweat. She’s dripping with apocalyptic prophecy twinges. We should run and hide. And perhaps have sex. Whatever this Key is, it can wait ’til we have a game plan. Also, Spike could kick–”

Buffy breaks away from the paramedics while Tara explains– sort of– what happens. She looks pissed beyond belief.

“Look, if the vamp–Dana or Scully or the Viragello or whatever her name is–is after the Key, we are on it. Now. Not tomorrow. Now. Got it?” she snaps, spinning around and walking away.

Willow, Anya, Xander, and I all look at each other. None of us get it. We’re left clueless as the sirens blare, the paramedics talk, and the end of the world waits around the corner. Everything old is new again.

Dammit. I knew I should have ridden up with Wesley and Angel.


End file.
